myPond

Game Changing Starts with Difference Making

Haven’t blogged in awhile. Been in the Twlight Zone, wondering who wished me into the cornfield. (Actually, I know.)

I mean, do you ever watch life unfold and think, “what the heck are they doing?” “Does anyone else think this is just crazy?” “Am I the only one who thinks what they are doing and how they are doing it is wrong?” And finally, “why doesn’t somebody do something?” That’s where I’ve been. And just when I think the story can’t get any more bizarre, it does.

It was the tea parties of the week – plus some needed days off – that have inspired me to refocus and renew and dust myself off once again. Like a V8, I’ve had a thunk on the head to remind me I that while I’m not a game changer, I can still be a difference maker by taking 10 pretty simple steps:

1. Being a positive force in as many conversations as I can. When I want to complain, I can counter it or at least balance it with something affirmative and fitting.
2. Staying diligent in my job and responsibilities, working “as unto the Lord.”
3. Always defending and staying on the side of truth.
4. Encouraging at least one person per day who’s not in my normal “people pattern.” In person, a phone call, email, a text, tweet or facebook message. Once in awhile, I will drop a good old-fashioned card in the good old-fashioned mail.
5. Performing a kindness whenever I can, as often as I can. Holding a door, pouring some coffee, buying a lunch, cleaning up a mess. Letting someone ahead of me in rush hour traffic (OK that one’s HUGE ).
6. Not changing who I am or compromising my core character when times get tough. It’s not always appropriate to “go along to get along," contrary to the buzz phrase.
7. Hugging my family and laughing with them daily.
8. Declaring my home my haven and not letting the Twlight Zone in.
9. Having fun with family and friends fairly often.
10. Being thankful and showing gratitude.

Join me! Make your own list and let's get going. Yeah, we'll fall off now and then. It's ok. But with enough of us out there making a difference, the game will change. For us, it will anyway.

A Most Significant Year

2008 was really a more significant year than I actually realized as it progressed. I graduated one from high school and then sent him to college. I watched my daughter grow more beautiful and mature with each passing day, and put her behind the wheel with a driving permit. My husband and I found new aches and pains to talk about over morning coffee.

I turned 50.

(So far these are reasons enough for melancholia.)

Then there was the grueling election season that lasted a lifetime. Changes continued at the church – some I welcomed and some gave me a struggle.

So was it a great year, a good year, or an awful year? In terms of circumstances, it was at times all three. In terms of “where I’m at” as a result of it, I’d have to say it was somewhere between good and great.

An interesting personal reflection is to look at how you think and process things now versus how you did 5 years ago, 10 years, 20 years ago. It’s fascinating, really, that faith and life do shape, but also change how we think over time. It should make us thankful that God has designed us with the ability to look at things differently, discover that our thinking was flawed, or too harsh, or not serious enough in a given area of life. I believe that’s called grace.

At 50, my faith in Christ is solid as ever. It is the anchor and the backdrop for all else. As for the way I think about daily life, about how things “have to be,” about time and choices and worrying about what other people do or think – I’m in as mellow a place as I have ever been. It’s the “me” that has always been there, and I like it.

So 2009 will bring another couple of semesters of college, an official driver’s license, another digit into the 50s, a political “sitcom” to follow every day, and probably some new challenges at work.

With prayerful and placid optimism, I am ready to embrace them all. I hope you will face your 2009 in the same way.

Happy New Year!

My Christmas Email Blessing

Electronic communication (email, texting, social networking) seems to get a bad rap as being cold and impersonal. I have always disagreed with that thought, believing instead that it makes the world a smaller place by allowing instant connection with those we love, anywhere in the world, at anytime. The truth is, communication in any form is as personal or as impersonal as you make it.

This email, received from a soul mate after our annual Christmas dinner and ornament exchange (something we’ve been doing, and loving, since 1983), is as personal and as touching as anything I’ve ever received. I will keep it forever as a reminder of the deep, abiding and treasured friendships - near and far - that so bless my life. 

I share it with you, with love at Christmas. In this holy season, tell your friends how much they mean. Life does move on, and much too quickly to let these moments just pass by.

 

Dear Friends, 

Yesterday my mom buried her best friend, Pat. They were suite mates in college. Five of them Jo Anne (mom) Peggy, Pat, LaRue and Diana, went to Hardin Simmons together and have eaten, shopped and traveled together for the last 53 years. I drove Mom and Dad to Georgetown for the funeral and ended up chauffeuring the ladies around.   

I listened as they laughed at each other. Peggy and LaRue got lost coming from Lubbock; their trip took an extra hour and a half. They were stopped by police going home and called and said they had never seen so many police cars. Diana's dog kept barking at everyone. LaRue's slip had to be pulled up every time she got out of the car… 

I listened as they reminisced with each other. How Pat was a perfectionist, Peggy picked out her earrings first and would then find an outfit to match, Diana was boy crazy, Peggy never had enough money with her. 

I listened as they complained about arthritis, pinched nerves, old husbands, crazy children. 

I listened as they cried and comforted each other over the loss of their dear friend. The whole time I was there I thought of you, my dear friends. I just wanted to tell each of you how thankful I am for you, I can think of no one I would rather laugh, reminisce, complain, comfort and cry with. I am so blessed to go through this life with my sweet friends. 

I Love You.

Merry Christmas, 

Paula 

P.S.  We all need to get a facebook!

A Letter to the New President

Dear Mr. Obama:

Knowing that the clock may be ticking on the right to freely express myself under the First Amendment of the document that you want to change, I just want to get a few things off my chest before January 20. Election night seems like a good time.

First - you are the President-elect for one reason alone: hatred for George Bush. It really has little to do with you and the Messiah-esque aura that the mainstream media has created around you. You've done a masterful job of igniting crowds and convincing them you are going to deliver a better life. But they voted for you because they hate George Bush. It’s a simple matter of revenge. It's also a big relief to know that after 8 years, Hollywood and the mainstream media are happy once again.

Second - while I'm sure that on many levels you are a good person and I don't dislike you, I don’t think you will be a good President.

Here's why:

Radical philosophies. On the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. On the Constitution.* On spreading the wealth, economic justice, redistribution or whatever you want to rename welfare. On when life begins. On the Fairness Doctrine. On judicial appointments.

(*Seriously, did you know the President stands before the entire world and vows to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States? Not change it. Protect it.)

Radical policies. On national security. On energy. On Israel. On foreign diplomacy. On the war on terror. On health care. On taxes (payroll, income, capital gains, retirement plans, estate, and on and on).

Radical associations. William Ayers. Tony Rezko. Jeremiah Wright. This Kalidi Palestinian dude. ACORN.

No governmental leadership experience. You are smooth and smart, but in most situations wisdom is a greater asset.

Thuggery with those who oppose your way of thinking. If you showed as much aggression toward our enemies as toward fellow countrymen who challenge you (like the reporters you tossed off your plane from papers that endorsed McCain, the 30 operatives sent to Alaska to dig up dirt on Sarah Palin, etc.), that might not worry me quite so much.

Arrogance. Toward the middle class. Toward the suburbs. Toward people like Joe the Plumber who are smart enough to think for themselves and ask you hard questions. (This “I am going to change the world” stuff? Arrogant and wholly egocentric. Not to mention scary.)

So, yeah, I’m worried. But I’m also watching.

And let me assure you that I still believe, with great vigor and faith, in this great country and in our Constitution. It is not “flawed” as you say, and democracy, not socialism, will forever be the best government on the planet.

I’m going to continue enjoy my life, work hard, take care of my family, guide my kids to face their future with hope, and find new ways to keep as much of my money and personal property as I possibly can. And VOTE.

The good news is, although I didn’t vote for you, you still work for me! And for millions of us who didn’t choose you. We are holding you, your Cabinet and the Congress accountable. Every day.

The best news is our Constitution and our democracy will weather your administration. I pray they will not be compromised even temporarily as a result of it.

Finally, I am certainly open to allowing you to earn my respect as my President. America needs for you to succeed. But at the right things.

Congratulations on your history-making election.

A Major Marketing Lesson from 9/11

I had been on staff at the church for 2 months and 2 days when our country was viciously and hideously attacked by radical, America hating, Islamic terrorists.

There was an atmosphere of bewilderment on the church campus that morning. Particularly since we also house a K-12 academy where many of our staff kids attend school.

Our Pastor quickly called a brief staff meeting where we prayed together and were dismissed for the day. No one knew at that point whether other U.S. cities would be attacked next, but it sure seemed likely.

I gathered up my kids from their 3^rd and 6^th grade classrooms and we headed home in silent fear. For the rest of the day, the sound of nothingness was deafening. No planes flying overhead. No one coming out of their homes. No one living life as they woke up that day to do.

A day or so later, we put this message on the marquee of our downtown church campus: PRAYER AT NOON. That was it. No radio ads, no web banners, no mail outs, no bring a friend to church day. Just prayer at noon. On a weekday. And in my 27 years as a member of our church, I have never seen more people jammed into our sanctuary. Lower floor, balcony, aisles and choir loft were filled with the people of our downtown community. And we hadn’t promoted it in any way, except for the marquee.

As I recounted to a new staff member what that prayer service was like here 7 years ago, a powerful and indisputable marketing truth began to ring in my head: People will come to church if they feel they need to. 

And Part B – it takes very little to get them there.

The next few Sundays after 9/11, we had higher than normal numbers. After several more weeks with no subsequent attacks, it leveled back off to just the regulars. We were quick to comment as a staff about how suddenly complacent the community had become. That they only came to church because they were desperate for a short time. But we, too, cocooned right back into our plans and programs, most of which never touch the outside world anyway. We went back to worrying about how many would really show up for the next banquet. When this video or that mailer or so and so’s newsletter would be complete, and why someone’s “major” event wasn’t promoted in the bulletin. 

It’s ironic that if people feel a need for church, the church has little need for marketing. We church communicators spend our time, energy and resources trying to create that felt need.

What we may simply need more of is: PRAYER AT NOON.

Some things you are powerless to change.

But there always things you can.

Do you ever dwell too much on things you can’t change? I sure do. 

Through God’s grace-pointed chisel, I am learning that there are always things in my life I can change. Even when I feel like I am totally stuck with no options.

The list is simple, because life should be way simpler than we usually allow it to be. So here is my Simple Six:

1) Worship more. 
Worship prompts prayer, and brings peace and perspective in the most stressful of times.

2) Study God’s word more.
Godly wisdom brings focus and strengthens our resolve.

3) Simplify your job.
Everyone does not have to have an answer today.

4) Simplify your weekends.
Avoid the tyranny of Saturday and Sunday being as booked up as your work week.

5) Keep your family at home, together, more.
Balance things like sports, music lessons and church activities – family time is more important than all three.

6) Don’t agonize that #3 - #5 will upset other people.
Sweetly and graciously stand firm.

What Baptists Do Best

In the 27 years that I have been a member of a Baptist church, I’ve heard countless messages, interviews and statements by various pastors and SBC leaders stating  “why I’m a Southern Baptist.”  I suppose other denominations find it important to also declare, “why I’m a Presbyterian,” “why I’m a Catholic,” or “why I’m a Methodist,” though I’ve never heard such.

I can’t really answer the question “why I’m a Southern Baptist,” because I consider myself to be a Christian – a follower of Jesus Christ – who attends a Baptist church. I could be a follower of Christ and also attend a Presbyterian, Methodist or Bible church, as many thousands do. My own spiritual roots are non-denominational and I am so thankful for those who taught and guided me to Christ.

The question I think I can answer, though, is “what do Baptists do best?” And while it is true that I currently work in a Baptist church and dearly love my coworkers and friends, there is a different side of Baptist life where I feel they are champs – and that is education.

My sister and I are graduates of the same Baptist university. We met our husbands there. My son has just entered a different Baptist university. Many of our friends, coworkers and associates represent a variety of Baptist undergraduate schools. My sister and I both have dear, lifelong friends from college and all of them now have or have had successful careers in their fields of study, as well as children of their own who now attend.

I love the community that Baylor University provided in my life and that the school my son attends is already building for him. The atmosphere feels right and comfortable and safe - coupled with challenge and excellence in coursework, plus campus worship, fellowship and unity that no other denominational schools I know of provide. All that, with exposure to ideals both to the left and to the right of where we may line up - just as life will continually present.

Baptists definitely got it right when they entered the education business centuries ago. Our family is still reaping the benefits!

The Strategy and Sincerity of Words

Ideals the church can use, in a secular best seller.

Reading a fascinating book by Dr. Frank Luntz, Words That Work:  It’s Not What You Say, It’s What People Hear. Dr. Luntz is arguably America’s hottest political pollster, and his findings consistently prove one simple truth: words matter.

Candidates, political parties, government committees, CEOs and corporations seek Luntz’ advice, ask him to perform focus groups, and alter entire campaigns upon his findings and recommendations. The book Words That Work is like an encyclopedia of his methods and outcomes, an intense and powerful read.

As a church communicator I am poring over every word. Incredible stuff. But it’s the book’s 9-word byline that makes the most profound statement of all: “It’s not what you say, it’s what people hear.” This is really a more precise way of saying, “perception is reality,” a belief I have held all my years in church work.

What people perceive about something is what they will act on, or not. Your message can have all the details clearly laid out - with an unmistakable call to action, be relentlessly repeated – and still get little or no response. Why? Because that message is going through the filter of people’s perception of the particular ministry, event, church, staff member or pastor.

So how are perceptions addressed or even changed? As Luntz’ cases reveal, the power is in “words that work.” Thus it’s critical that the right people are involved in their development and their authors be empowered by leadership to work freely under an authentic, intentional ministry philosophy – one that does not just fire off the promotional canon over the entire membership and expect them to respond.

Through carefully crafted messages we can actually achieve buy-in rather than beat-down - and more natural, heartfelt energy and involvement in the church.

Back to reading!

Change, reflection, and what is real.

Impossible to communicate the depth of thoughts and feelings surrounding sending your firstborn off to college.

Obviously you wonder where the time went, if he's prepared, if you're prepared, where the rest of the money will come from, will he be happy, find good friends, make the right choices, and get to do what he wants with his life.

But it also brings reflection about family and the realization that the true parenting test is about to begin. So far it's all been dress rehearsal.

Steve and I have not amassed great wealth, or even a decent savings. We haven't been able to give our kids everything, but we have given them a lot of things. We don't have a big fancy house. We both have great jobs and are thankful for them, but they do not define us. If we could start over and take different career paths, we both would. We have made right turns and wrong turns at critical junctures of our 26 years together.

But here's what we do know. We have 2 awesome kids. Not perfect, but awesome. We have poured our life and energy into them every day of their lives. We did not leave their spiritual, emotional or social guidance in anyone else's hands. Often we have done things differently than many parents we know. Both kids found salvation through Jesus Christ, in part because of some incredible saints who taught them when they were very young. They have always been blessed with terrific mentors and encouragers. They are tough-minded, tender-hearted and think for themselves. They have many close friends and a loving (though small) extended family. With deep thanksgiving for God's provision for us, they have attended private schools since they were 3 years old. One goes on now to what we know to be a wonderful private university. We have a close-knit family, and I'd rather be with them at any given moment than be anywhere else.

I'm more thankful for that reality than I can describe. These are the good times!

CADD Happens.

And it’s not pretty.

I’ve been watching CADD for 7 years now, for as long as I’ve been doing church marketing and publications. I’ve determined it’s not a terminal disease, but neither has it been curable in my experience. Well there are some remedies – but I warn you – they are extreme.

So what is this phenomenon, CADD?

Church Attention Deficit Disorder.

Symptoms: Congregation and staff walking around unaware of what’s happening in their church, while promotion and information through multiple venues roll all around them.

Cause: Congregation and staff walking around unaware of what’s happening in their church, while promotion and information through multiple venues roll all around them.

(Allow me to pause here for illustration. The number 1 most asked question I have received in these 7 years is “is our XYZ event being promoted?” Dead giveaway. Textbook case of CADD. They’re not paying attention, but someone told them they hadn't seen any promotion.)

Treatment: Tough Love (with apologies to Dr. Dobson). I mean, if the available promotional venues are being deployed, then it’s up to the audience to see it and make a decision about whether to participate. That is to say, you can lead a horse to water…

Want to talk about cure? Remember I warned you. Actually there are two: 1) “Un-overprogram” your church. Too many opportunities = too many messages and starts those pre-CADD cells forming. What un-overprogram means is STOP doing so many things. They might all be very good but I promise you they can’t ALL be the best for your church and its mission; 2) Watch, read and listen. Seek to know. This takes energy and time. But you will be informed!

Hey - maybe we need to begin a CADD prevention ministry! Yeah, except it would add another calendar item to promote…